10 Strategies for Reducing Mom Anxiety

Whether you’re expecting, newly postpartum, or years into parenthood, you’re likely familiar with some degree of anxiety - after all, our brain is wired to scan for danger and keep us safe. When we become parents, we often become keenly aware of potential threats to our childrens’ safety and anything that may interfere with our connection to them. This can create a degree of anxiety that is a natural and necessary part of being a parent. Completely fearless parenting simply wouldn’t be parenting at all.

While some degree of anxiety can be a helpful thing, many parents experience more anxiety than they would like. So, I want to give you ten strategies you can use to help reduce your anxiety that are relatively quick, easily accessible, and meant to help you build your confidence with managing uncomfortable emotions. 

While these are not a substitute for the deeper work you may need to do to create more long-term changes in your anxiety, they can be helpful for restoring some mental clarity and presence, which can be especially helpful in moments where we are feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. I try to guide my clients in building an “emotion regulation toolbox”, or a small handful of go-to strategies they can return to repeatedly. I hope this list of strategies will give you some options you can explore to begin building a toolbox of your own!

Bonus: when we become more skilled in regulating our own emotions, we can more easily model and pass down that skill to our kiddos!

10 Strategies for Reducing Mom Anxiety

1. “In-In-Out Breathing” - Your breath and heart rate are connected - breathing slowly slows the heart rate, and breathing quickly increases the heart rate. This connection makes breathwork an effective tool for regulating the nervous system and helping you feel more grounded. For this breathing exercise, inhale fully through your nose, feeling your belly rise. When your lungs are full, take one more inhale through your nose. Exhale slowly through your mouth and repeat for a few minutes. For added benefit, you can go outside or open a window to breathe in fresh air. This technique may also help with insomnia.

2. Movement - When we’re in “fight or flight” mode, our body naturally wants to expend energy through fighting or fleeing. Following this natural instinct through engaging in brief, but intense physical activity can help the nervous system regulate. You can discharge excess energy through stomping, jumping jacks, running, walking quickly, lifting weights, or any other type of movement that feels good to you for a couple of minutes. If this is not an option, you can place your hands on a wall, fully extend your arms, and lean towards the wall, feeling the sensation of pushing the wall away. 

3. “54321 Technique” - This involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. For a shorter version (that may also be easier to remember), identify one thing for each sense. This may be especially helpful for interrupting cycles of anxious thinking and getting into the present moment.

4. Cold Water & Ice - This strategy may be especially helpful for calming down quickly in moments of high distress, such as during a panic attack. To do this, place your face in a bowl of ice water or hold an ice pack to your face over your forehead and cheeks, hold for 30 seconds, and repeat as needed. This activates the “mammalian dive reflex” which helps to slow the heart rate down and calm the body, as if you were diving into cold water. However, be sure to consult your doctor if you have a heart condition, are pregnant, or have another medical condition. Washing your hands in cold water or holding ice are other options for using water to regulate the nervous system. 

5. Self-hug - Giving yourself a hug can give the sensation of being held and contained, which can bring a sense of safety and calm to the nervous system. Try placing your right arm on your left side next to your heart, then reach your left arm around your right arm. Breathe into your belly and hold for a couple of minutes. Hugging a loved one is also an option if it is available and feels comforting.

6. Body Scan - Our muscles can carry a lot of tension when we feel anxious, and we may not even realize how tense our body is. To release this, mentally scan your body from head to toe, making note of areas that feel tense. Then, start again at the top of your head, slowly relaxing your muscles as you travel down to your toes. If needed, you can intentionally tense up your muscles before releasing them, or stretch or massage areas of tension.

7. Birdsong - Try listening to birdsong for a few moments by going outside or looking it up on YouTube. Birds tend to sing when predators aren’t present, making birdsong a sign of safety to the nervous system. If listening to birdsong isn’t for you, enjoying other nature sounds can also be beneficial.

8. Butterfly taps - You can do butterfly taps by crossing your hands and placing them on your chest or shoulders, alternating gentle taps for a few moments, breathing slowly. This helps to calm the nervous system through bilateral stimulation - a technique gaining popularity through its use in eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy.

9. Vocalizing - Humming, singing, chanting OM, or making a "buzz" sound are a few ways we can use our vocal cords to stimulate the vagus nerve, which helps to activate our “rest and digest” state. Some studies suggest that humming may boost melatonin production, which may make it helpful for insomnia.

10. Journaling - Journaling can be a powerful way to manage stress when we have the opportunity and time to do it. Journaling can bring order and clarity to our internal experiences, help us process our emotions, and prompt our brain to generate new solutions to problems. I believe some of the benefits of journaling comes from the physical act of writing, but if you need a more convenient option, you can also journal your thoughts into a note in the notes app on your phone.

Parenthood can be stressful, and my hope is that this list will help you guide you in managing stress when you need some more immediate relief. Figuring out which techniques will be most helpful for you may take some experimentation, so remember to bring some playfulness and curiosity to the process as you learn what will work best for you!